Motivation

I have been suffering from an intense lack of motivation as of late. It all started with an acute case of the flu 2 weeks ago and I have not been able to shake it. I have realized several thing about myself throughout the course of writing my dissertation...first, I absolutely hate writing my dissertation. I hate writing for the most part, which is a one purpose of this blog... forcing myself to do write what I am thinking at the current moment.

I am not very good at doing such things, for instance at the moment I feel anxious, I want to be doing something else but I'm not sure what it is I want to be doing; my brain feels unable to think of a direction or angle to tackle on my thesis right now and I feel as if I am unable to be interested in anything for a prolong span of time. I feel as if this exercise should be easy, but I think my brain gets annoyed when I try to prod it for information on how it is feeling, like it's telling me to leave it alone and let it do whatever the hell it is doing right now. I feel as if everything I am saying right now sounds crazy....so back to why I hate writing.

Writing a dissertation is even more frustrating, it's involved explaining complex mathematical symbols coherently in English, and citations....O how I hate citations. I feel as if everything that I avoided doing well in grade school has finally caught up to me, as if I was able to successfully dodge English my whole life since I was so good in Math it never really mattered; and now it has come back with a vengeance.

One thing I hope this blog does overtime is to help me write down my thoughts coherently and efficiently which in turn will reflect well on my dissertation writing. This is only post number 3 so don't expect anything spectacular yet!